how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
