maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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