Soap is not a condiment
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
