If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
