My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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