it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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