just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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