Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
