my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
