Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
