I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
