Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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