i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
