Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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