Can Purell be used as lube?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
