I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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