OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
