I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
