Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
