Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
