i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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