you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
