Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
