somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
