he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
