I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
