My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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