Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
