Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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