She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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