theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
