I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
tequila makes me forget i have legs
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
