I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
