I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
