I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Your cock deserves a montage
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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