brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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