I am spending my child support on dildos
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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