Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
