I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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