Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
