I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Your cock deserves a montage
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
