how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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