Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So vagazzling was a success
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
