Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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