You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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