he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
