While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
