i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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