i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
