I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
