My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sorry my hands just texted you
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
