I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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