we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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