I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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